Burlesque Womens Institute

James LaVey · Joined: 18 Jul 2009 Posts: 38 Location: West Midlands

Interesting thread - I've copied and pasted a Blog I did on my MySpace page after I chose to kill off my Burlesque character Gehenna. Enjoy, but be warned that it's a little on the long side.

Why Gehenna Had to Die

Take everything that’s wrong about humanity, wrong in a way that creates a false impression of niceness. The equally wrong solution to the problem of fake niceness was the creation of the Burlesque personality known as Gehenna.

Gehenna was originally just a forum name - it sounded good to me and that was pretty much the essence of what I wanted. Over time a character started to emerge from the name and this was the birth of Gehenna. Influenced by a strong individual in the Burlesque scene and with a huge dose of my own personality bursting at the seams. Gehenna was screaming at me to listen rather than ignore myself.

Everything was fine for a short while, Gehenna was a strong but fun character to immerse myself into. The only people who didn’t like Gehenna were those who attacked either him or those he cared about. Saying that Gehenna was an extension of my own thought process is fair. However as the persona of Gehenna grew stronger I became more attracted to immersing myself in him.

As a teenager I used to do a lot of live action role-playing games. For a long time I wanted to be the heroic good type of character. After a while I switched to the evil side because being evil removed all boundaries and allowed me utter freedom. Age and financial responsibilities ended that entertainment for me whilst I was still exploring my fantasy self. The option of being Gehenna would reawaken that part of me nearly 20 years later.

Gehenna became fully active and functioning in May 2008. In a crazy storyline concocted by Angel LaVey and myself. I became the evil promoter Gehenna for getting Angel’s alter-ego Spitney Brears onto the Silk Stocking Striptease Show stage. The compere and I had a great time as we exchanged comments about why Angel was busted down to assistant stage manager from singer. I had to bellow from the back of the room to ensure the audience could hear me. The compere dutifully played along. By the end of the show the audience hated me in a way similar to a pantomime villain or a heel wrestler from the WWE.

Gehenna was over as a character, and I was aware of the rush associated with my achievement. The show was starting to receive critical acclaim from the still small audience. Now was a time of change as I allowed the addictive impulses of Gehenna to start working into my own psyche. Gehenna was a strong character who was not afraid to say what he felt. This was something I fantisized about being able to do. Gehenna was popular because people loved to hate him. He was the honest promoter who told performers the truth concerning the show. Gehenna started to grow, but with the growth came Egotism and a feeling of invincibility. Also, with the growth came an amalgamation of my past live action role-playing experience. I was the Anti-Hero, not selflessly good or pointlessly evil. I had found my true fantasy self and I had found a way to live it.

I allowed the character of Gehenna to start taking over my life in more areas than were safe. The only place I never allowed Gehenna to invade was my training as a psychotherapeutic counsellor. Gehenna stamped everything else with his approval not my own.

January 2009 was the start of the downfall as I see it. Intoxicated with my own power I went too far, although time proved my opinion correct. My delivery was so wide of the mark that I started alienating people. Those who once may have seen me in a favourable light no longer did so. By the end of April those that once saw me as a decent promoter and a friend started thinking differently. Meanwhile those who opposed me, Angel LaVey or our show now had a cracking way to launch attacks at us. If you liken the situation to being mugged, they could see me as a mugging victim. A victim that had walked round flashing £1,000 in cash and offering a loaded gun to the first mugger to come near me.

They banned Gehenna from a forum and issued a restraining order for EVERYWHERE or they would never lift the ban. We lost two valuable staff members and one insanely popular character, one of our sponsors quit. They repeatedly deleted or censored advertising for the show because of Chinese whispers. The Gehenna response was to show how little power the forum had over him beyond their home. At this point my relationship with Angel LaVey hit rock bottom. My advantage was using the attitude of Gehenna to personally challenge the forum head and accurately predict what would happen in my challenge. My approach resulted in the forum ban becoming permanent. They also banned Angel LaVey. My Gehenna personality had predicted this in advance. This resulted in Angel and I resolving the problems between us.

Gehenna was still a problem, I was still hooked on what this personality had to offer me. Time to look for a solution. An advantage of training to be a psychotherapeutic counsellor was that I had to undergo counselling of my own. Finally I reported Gehenna to my counsellor. This disruptive aspect of myself was taking over. Nevertheless, I also had to acknowledge that Gehenna was born of my own weakness, a part of me that I hate and called The Smell. The opposite of Gehenna. All of my insecurities. A side of me that would do anything to please and placate others even if they were wrong and damaging to me. This part of me had been with me for over 15 years and was responsible for many unhappy times in my life. If I killed Gehenna then The Smell would have nothing to oppose it and I ran the risk of reverting to my old ways. My counsellor challenged me on my desire to kill Gehenna - Gehenna was useful and necessary.

I had to find a way to kill Gehenna symbolically. Step away from being Gehenna 24/7 and find a way to amalgamate his strengths into my core self, lest The Smell became the dominant side. Thus we hatched the plan to end the character of Gehenna on the stage of the show that had matured him into a monster. This was like planning a going away party. Although it was really going to be a funeral, Gehenna would be dead at the end.

Everything was fine until a few days before the show. Then I started to regret my decision and started to recognise that I was experiencing feelings of loss. To tackle my issues I held a conversation with Gehenna. In counselling and psychotherapy they call this two-chair work. It has been very fruitful for many people. Gehenna’s response to me was that this was going to be one hell of a farewell. The party to end all parties. Gehenna was finished, but I would not forget how to call on his strengths when I truly needed them. More importantly I would not overdose on his strengths when I did not need them.

On August the 8th 2009, nearly three years after his creation, Gehenna bowed out in style - better to burn up than fade away. The 9th Silk Stocking Striptease Show audience were the judge, jury and executioners of Gehenna in a trial Gehenna had rigged so he couldn’t lose. He could not lose because the plan was for him to lose all along. The audience decided that Angel LaVey would become the soul controller of the Silk Stocking Striptease Show.

Two days after the show I officially announced the death of Gehenna. The feeling was one of freedom. The Smell didn’t rear his head because I’d taken from Gehenna what I needed to keep it under check.

Now Gehenna is dead, but Gehenna has gone to his notion of the afterlife - one big party full of decadence in the underworld. The legacy of Gehenna will no doubt live on. First amongst his fans who loved him or loved to hate him, and secondly especially amongst his detractors. For the fans all I can say is I’m sorry and as for the detractors...

Gehenna offered me this piece of advice as a going away present:

“You know others have perceived you as successful when you have those who hate you. Feed their inner pain by continuing. When you give up they will be happy so deny them that feeling.”

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Enchanted Burlesque