Burlesque Womens Institute

CrimbleFairy · Joined: 30 Nov 2007 Posts: 1175 Location: Leeds

Dear Auntie Bettie

I'm feeling pretty down at the moment and I'm not sure what to do Sad

my Aunt is very seriously ill and my Grandma has had a big op so naturally I'm very worried about them both although there's not a lot I can do really.

I'm working 2 jobs at the moment which until recently I needed to do for financial reasons. I'm really good friends with the manager of my second job but recently he's been kind of taking advantage of that and guilt tripping me in to helping out and I find it hard to say no (Damn Catholic school guilt complex!)

Also I'm having doubts about my other half (and not for the first time) We seem to have lost any spark we used to have. i don't know if it's just because I have so much on that I don't see him or if things have just fizzled out. In some ways he's very thoughtful and kind but on the other had (as I'm sure most people experience!) he drives me mad sometimes because he's so thoughtless. We've been together just over 4 years and have been living together too and I just don't know if I am meant to wait until I am certain or if I should take action sooner rather than later. I did mention to him I wasn't happy but he hasn't really wanted to talk about it and hasn't done anything about it.

I'm so confused!!!!

Poppy M. Cherry · Joined: 18 Aug 2008 Posts: 137 Location: Manchester

Poor Crimble Sad

Firstly, with your Aunt and Grandma, just being there for them and showing them love and support is doing a lot. Obviously you can't cure them, but sometimes kind words can help a lot.

Secondly, it's really unfair of your friend to be acting like that, and I would desitate to call him a friend under those circumstances! I completely get you on the guilt thing - I always feel bad when I have to say no to someone. But sometimes you do have to say no. If he is a good friend, then he will understand and be appreciative of all you have done already. Sometimes its important to put your own needs first.

Finally, your boy trouble. That's trickier, especially when you have been together a while and are living together. It sounds like you are going to have to do more than just mention it to him. He is probably aware that things aren't quite right as well, and just taking the Ostrich approach that so many of us prefer! However, as you said, you have a lot going on at the moment. Maybe you should try having a weekend break together, or even just a day out. Whatever it is, make it something that is special and that is just the two of you. See how you feel after that. If it makes things seem better, sit down and talk to him about how you have been feeling, but point out that whatever you have just done together has really shown improvements so you want both of you to work at doing more things like that. If it doesn't change things or makes them worse, then tell him that too. If he still seems adamant on doing nothing to change things, then perhaps your efforts are best spent elsewhere. Don't rush into a decision either way, especially while you are in such a state of flux and so effected by other things, but don't sit on it for too long.

And if none of that helps, find a friend to give you a bit hug and a bar of chocolate. xx