Burlesque Womens Institute

Blitz · Joined: 02 Mar 2008 Posts: 23

This is the type of problem that normally has me moaning at the problem pages - and I'm well aware that in the grand scheme of things this is not a real problem.... so I'm seeing this as more a confession.

I have a wonderful boyfriend. He's great in bed, generous, loves me like crazy etc. And I love and adore him and I can see myself marrying him and having kids.

I also have someone at work flirting with me. It started off with me making it very clear I'm in a relationship and he mentioned his girlfriend so I thought it was harmless flirting - something to make our days go with a bit of extra spice with no actual danger. (Yes I'm aware of how stupid that is, looking back on it).
It's now gotten to the point where it's getting closer to cheating. (Although it could be that the guy is toying with me out of boredom) with him wanting to sneak off for a make out session which I avoided with the use of various imaginary meetings.
I now know he's engaged (which in my head is different to having a girlfriend) so I'm seeing it as him having a pre marriage panic. He's also admitted to having another 'playmate' last year. So all in all he's shaping up to a life of lying and cheating.

The problem is that I'm finding it hard to avoid him. I can't block his messages as our work projects cross (which also means that I need to still be able to talk & ask him stuff). I don't think he'll ever jump me (although looking at how dumb I've been prior to this.....) So I'm hoping by letting things trail off things will slowly go back to normal.
But I also have a small bit of me that want's to play. I probably wouldn't get caught and as he's going to be getting married It probably wouldn't get to the point where we'd destroy each other's relationships.
I know this is wrong and crazy but how do I suppress my lemming instinct when I spend more time with my possible playmate then I do with my Boyfriend?

Miss Kitty Lou · Joined: 22 Jan 2007 Posts: 969 Location: Brighton

Just tell him that although the flirting is fun, you are both taken and you don't want it to go further.

If he gets annoyed then chances are he'd get annoyed with you avoiding him too. So, in this case, I think honesty is the best thing.
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Madame Mechante · Joined: 19 Feb 2008 Posts: 139

stick to being friendly - sounds as if he's done this sort of thing before, so the chances are that you would be the one that ends up hurt.

Also - there's a certain sense of satisfaction to be gained from knowing that he's after you - but you aren't playing! Wink

..............nothing wrong with a bit of flirting, especially if you have the upper hand. Smile

Miss Baby Bones · Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 9:27 pm Post subject:

would you want to be with a man who doesn't mind cheating on his partner? you'd be worrying about it all the time...

leave him be IMHO

best of luck

xxx
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Acacia Sweet · Joined: 11 Apr 2008 Posts: 400 Location: Leeds

Stay totally away. I was once in a similar situation and by gods am I glad nothing ever happened. I look back and feel sick even at the thought of it. I have kind of an idea about how you might feel about the whole thing, but really, stay away honey. *hugs and good luck*

Blitz · Joined: 02 Mar 2008 Posts: 23

Ohh sweet - More details please - how did you let it tail away?
The keeping it as a flirting thing I'm kind of trying at the moment. Although I think I'm going to have to give up on my diet and bring in a stash of chocolate to resist him.

I'm not worried about being hurt. I don't want to be with this guy and this may seem strange but we talk about our partners quite a bit (only in nice ways). So this isn't turning into one of us idealising the other over current partners. And as I don't know his girlfriend I feel no moral obligation to get involved with their relationship. Even if this guy turned out to be the best lover ever my boyfriend would still be my first choice as he has the complete package.

It just seems like a way to liven up our boring lives. Which is why it's so hard to cold turkey it. (C'mon given the choice between having someone whisper sweet nothings or plough through a spreadsheet looking for a wrong calculation which would you pick?)

tbh, it would be easier if he found another playmate (one who would play)
and we dropped back to mild flirting, or back to just being friends.

So needed:
Friendly (remember I work closely with this guy) ways to tone things down.
And methods of getting him a new playmate, (although we work in a mail dominated industry so might not work too well)...

Minnie the Minxtress · Joined: 07 Feb 2007 Posts: 766 Location: Kent

Please stay well away from this... and may I also add a comment too... especially in the light of you writing this quote:

Acacia Sweet · Joined: 11 Apr 2008 Posts: 400 Location: Leeds

*points up* what she said about the current relationship thing. No one really feels like straying if alls really well. To be honest, I was lucky, the guy tripped himself up and it turned out that he was flirting in an identical fashion with no less than 4 other girls in our office (utter low down dog, all things considered). But the way I handled it was just by remaining friendly and just smiling if he was flirty, but refusing to flirt back or anything. He got the message but wasn't terribly offended.

Herr Geist · Joined: 10 May 2007 Posts: 4956 Location: Brighton, England

When my relationships start to get boring, I have a gorilla mask and gloves that I put on so that I can't jump out of unexpected places to startle the girl. Then I pick her up and carry her off to some strange place and leave her there as I run home and lock the door. It's a good way to get rid of the problem. Very Happy

I would also say to cease all flirting with this guy. Allowing him to continue sends the wrong signals even if you don't think it does. Tell the guy straight out.... "I think you're great and I like joking around with you, but the flirting has to stop. I've got a great boyfriend and it's just not right to carry on like this."

If he doesn't understand... that's his problem. He'll have to get over it.
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Blitz · Joined: 02 Mar 2008 Posts: 23

Well the gorilla mask does sound good Wink

Me and my oh are currently working long distance away from each other so that's the main issue between us.

Think I have a solution - new girl fancies him! So if I can work it right i can get them to focus on each other for a bit. Work on distracting and giving myself some space to distance myself. (New girl isn't the type to get hung up on a relationship either)

Herr Geist · Joined: 10 May 2007 Posts: 4956 Location: Brighton, England

awesome! distract him with a slut!

haha jk. I know she's probably not like THAT.

sorry to hear about your long distance troubles. that can be a real pain. Sad

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Blitz · Joined: 02 Mar 2008 Posts: 23

Hey - I wasn't the one who said it. She's lovely but I don't think she'll ever want to anchor herself to one guy.
And she loves to flirt so even if nothing happens between them I can rest easy knowing he'll have his hands full. (Probably just in time.. Those texts are getting awfully inventive. No gorilla mask but it's only a matter of time till the elephant one appears)

It is a pain - but the alternative of breaking up holds even less appeal. But people go through so much worse it seems churlish to complain about it. At least we have most weekends Very Happy

Herr Geist · Joined: 10 May 2007 Posts: 4956 Location: Brighton, England

just get the most boingy boingy out of your time together as you possibly can Wink

that usually helps
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Blitz · Joined: 02 Mar 2008 Posts: 23

Surely that's the first rule anyway? (unless you're talking about channelling tigger) Boingy Boingy, is always a good way to spend your weekends Wink

EllaEmerald · Joined: 09 Feb 2007 Posts: 2026 Location: BRIGHTON

Harmless flirting can be a great way to boost your confidence and actually make your relationship better.
However there is such a fine line between harmless and something that starts to get out of hand.
Theres been so much good advice handed out here that I think the only thing to add is that you should never feel like you're indebted to coninuing flirting with someone, if its not fun and your feeling pressured to do something that will harm your relationship then its time to put the brakes on. Hope it all works out.
x

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