It's just not fair!

Lily Lain · It's just not fair!

Ohhhh yes, another "Finding a man" type of problem,
If you're already bored of these threads, don't read on!

Okay, a bit of background.

About 5 or 6 years ago, I made friends with a guy, we'll call him "X" for the purposes of this exercise. X and I hung out loads, even though he lives quite a way from me (About an hour train ride) we kinda hooked up even though we were never going out and it was great, then different things happened in our lives which prevented us from staying in contact.
The next time I spoke to him was about a year later when I was dating someone, but he was never far from my mind and he said that he owed me a drink for not staying in touch... We lost touch again for a while too and I roudabout(ly) found out that he had started seeing someone, so never persued getting back in touch, although I thought about him all the time.
Onwards!
About two years after that (Last Jan) I decided to add his old email address to MSN on the off chance that it worked, just to say hi and to see how he was (We have a lot in common and I missed chatting to him)
I was suprised the following day to get an email asking how I was and what i'd been up to, shortly after we started chatting on MSN (Long live MSN) and it turns out him and his girlfriend of three years had recently broken up (boohoo Neutral

)
So, we got to talking again and it felt like we'd never stopped speaking, so much had happened but we were close friends again, it was great. Then in the Feb he invited me for that drink that he promised me, so of course I took him up on it, we had a great night (despite my total oblivion that was drunkenness) and fooled around a little and it was nice, but we decided that we couldn't see a lot of each other due to work commitments (me mainly, having two jobs.)
Since then I think we've seen each other maybe once, but we talk all the time.

A while back (Talking about August time) I got pretty drunk after a night out with the girls and decided to drunken-email him telling him how much I cared about him and that no one else ever really compared etc (Stupid stuff that you'd never admit soberly) but we do have A LOT in common and stuff so it wasn't too bad. I expected nothing back as he's never really been one for feelings or talking about emotions (typical guy stuff) and I wasn't disappointed, I had no response.

We didn't speak much after that as I was hardly online or I was working and then out of the blue I got an email from him telling me that I was really special to him and that he cared about me, and that one day he hoped that our friendship would blossom into something much more whether that was a month, a year or ten years down the line. I was slightly taken back by this revelation, but it made me smile. A LOT.

Since then, we talk at least once a week have a little catch up etc, but he still lives about 70miles from me (this will be a lot further when I move to London later this year) and we never see each other.

I'm not entirely sure whether this is a rant or asking for advice, but I would like everyone's tuppence on the situation. I've liked him for so long now and he's perfectly aware of that fact. I'm too scared of rejection to ask him outright, or when I do he skirts or changes to subject.

What's a girl to do?

Midnight Blue

If you really have that much of a connection with someone, don't let it go. Just imagine if next time you get in touch he's seeing someone and it gets serious quick and they get married, or even worse something terrible happens to him. Just blooming go for it!

Life is absolutely too short.

Herr Geist

I don't think there is anything wrong with these situations, but you do have to kinda take control of what's going on if it's really something you want. Don't let it just run the same course or this will go on forever. As Midnight said, life is too short to sit around letting it pass you by.

Don't be afraid that your life will end. Be afraid that it will never really begin!

EDIT: Grace Hansen said that. Didn't wanna take credit for somethin' that wasn't mine Wink

Lily Lain

Hmmm maybe my problem is that I don't see him, whenever we're together it's like we're the only two people in the room and I get on really well with all of his friends, but afterwards I always feel like he's not that bothered... it's an odd situation!

I'm not really too great on "taking control" of situations.

D'oh! Rolling Eyes

Broomy

If it's of any help, have a look at HeatherSweet's thread on a similar topic.
http://burlesquewomensinstitute.m...tra14097.php&highlight=#14097

EllaEmerald

It seems like its the distance keeping you apart more than anything, I don't advise moving somewhere just for a guy but is there anyway both your plans could happen in the same place? Not sure what you want that is keeping you away from him so hard to give advice!
xx

Lily Lain

Yeah, I know that it's probably the distance, i'd love to move to Liverpool (which is where he lives) as some of my closest friends live there, but just not yet. I've been wanting to move to London for the better part of 4 or 5 years, I chickened out and moved to Birmingham (partly for a guy which wasn't a huge mistake, but it definitly wasn't the best decision that I ever made... and I did have a lot of friends there too) but now I know in my heart that London is the place that I want to live. So that's going to mean we're even further apart and I know that he doesn't like London so it's never a case of talking it out with him.

I just always feel rotten when I meet a potential boyfriend as I subconsciously compare them to him, which I try my hardest not to do, but I can't help it sometimes. ARGH! Men eh?

But, i'm definitly putting myself first and London is where I want to go and that will make me truely happy, I don't need a man to be happy but i'd certainly like to find a good one.

CrimbleFairy

I think its great that you are still going to London. When I first started seeing my fella he was away at uni and I worked all hours so it was hard and we'd go for ages without seeing each other, I also got the feeling he wasn't bothered and wasn't sure he felt the same way. So I asked him Embarassed

he was really shocked and said he didn't mean to make me feel like he wasn't as bothered and didn't realise he was doing it. I think sometimes we women get a bit paranoid! Anyway 3 years down the line we're living together as a great job opportunity came up for him here and I'm so glad I stuck with him. He's my best friend and I couldn't want anything more - hope this helps!

All the best and let us know how things go xxxxxxxxx

Miss Baby Bones

some blokes are pretty useless at working out which girls fancy them...

ive known my partner for nearly 8 years but we've only been together half of that,

because he NEVER realised i was trying to chat him up so i assumed he wasnt that bothered.

after 4 years i just thought id be more direct and said WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME YOU PLANK.

some blokes are just rubbish.

perhaps after your drunken revelation (which was so sweet IMHO) he's probably really shy and a bit shocked.

the fact he emailed back in a similar vein suggests he does like you. but perhaps hes just a bit crap.

it would be nice to know. actions speak louder than words; if he didnt feel the same id exect him to leg it completely or email once to say 'sorry i dont feel the same'

give him a slap round the head, for god's sake! lol

xxx

EDIT: as for the locations, have you visited liverpool? maybe you'd like it more than london...
after all london is VERY expensive and very grubby. yes it has alot of burly clubs, but by the sounds of it liverpool isnt lacking

xxx

Lily Lain

I've been to Liverpool quite a lot and I really like it there, except it's full of scousers haha only kidding! I love scousers! My best friend Rob is a scouser and we've often talked of moving in together, it'd be cool sharing with him as he's a geek like me, however I just have this thing for London, I know it's grubby and expensive, however I just really feel like I fit in when i'm there[No, i'm not grubby and expensive Laughing

] and there's SO much to do! Liverpool for me is just outta the way (again) I also know that if I move to London and I don't like it then I can just move again Smile

I've never really been a homebird, i'm one for travelling about.

I have a feeling that he likes me too, especially after the email and he's really quite friendly all the time, however suggestions of drinks never lead anywhere or anything like that, and talking about feelings... DON'T EVEN GO THERE! ha... Perhaps next time I see him (which I think is Feb) I might just not be so subtle. Grrr @ my shyness Embarassed

I'm very extroverted about EVERYTHING else in my life, except when I like people, I am very shy when it comes to stuff like that and i've always been a "Men should ask ladies out" type of girl. DOH! Exclamation

EllaEmerald

It sounds like you have your heart set on trying London, perhaps something could happen when you've 'done' London.
Although the timing might not be right for you both next time either..... I think its a gamble either way. Does make life interesting at least!

Lily Lain

Ahhhh, i'm starting to lose faith really, while I think he's awesome and never really find anyone that compares, i'm comfortable enough with myself and my life to know that i'm a bloody good catch and if he can't see it then that's his problem!

Either he'll get a clue one day and see what he's missing and let me know that he feels the same, or he won't and we'll continue to play this game constantly until one of us gives up!

For now, i'm enjoying a little bit of attention from someone that I work with (nothing's happening, just a bit of flirting here and there) but it's keeping me sane at least! Very Happy

EllaEmerald

hasn't he already told you he feels the same? I thought that was what the email was about?

Lily Lain

He has, but that was a few months ago and nothing has come of it since. It's a weird one.

Herr Geist

Sounds like he's got his head up his ass. Move on. It's an incurable condition.

Miss Baby Bones

lol!!

id try for one last push.

you never know, if you tell him

look you berk, im moving to london. do you want to go out or not?

you can still do long distance for a while.

but it would stop you wondering.

if you're happy enough in yourself to go on without him, i say you're brave enough to sort this out once and for all.

believe me, men like him wont ever ask you out. they're too shy!!

doesnt mean they dont like you. pity them for being crap.

xxx