Acacia Sweet
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I think I'm probably a prize idiotOwing to a couple of my supposed friends I'm having a bit of a man-hating moment. About six months back one of my friends came out of a relationship and was feeling a bit crummy. He got really, really flirtatious with me. In the interests of not wrecking our friendship (and of course, my relationship), I played the dumb blonde and acted like I hadn't a clue, figuring it was just some weird reboundy kinda thing and he'd snap out of it. He didn't snap out of it. He ended up in a relationship with a girl who I really get on with and still kept sending me inappropriate messages and stuff. He hid the new relationship from me for about a month. When I found out I pointed out that I am in a relationship, so is he, he was making me feel awkward and he was to stop. It didn't stop. Therefore I no longer see his girlfriend (I get on really well with her) because I feel stuck in a total moral dilemma and I keep away from him. I still get the ocasional text saying he dreamed about me and stuff. I chalked it up to experience and wrote him off as an asshole.
I now seem to have lost another friend under the same circumstances. Dan likes a girl, he's been going on about her for a while now but hadn't had the courage to say anything. Again with the flirting thing and it's really embarrassing and awkward, but he's a nice guy, so, again, i ignored it. Anyway, turns out he spoke to his girl a couple days ago and she feels pretty much the same about him. He only told me this today after I texted him to say I feel uncomfortable and he should speak to her (this was after a rather too saucy message). He said he had spoken to her and she was interested. Way to make me feel cheap! These are supposed to be my friends! Why do they think they can treat me like an object! I know I should just cut them out of my life now cause I don't need friends like that, but their obvious total lack of respect for me has really upset me. These were guys who I thought were my good friends and it looks like I'm some kind of big joke to them. I mean, it's not like I dress like barbie, I have to confess, unless I'm going out I'm usually a jeans and t-shirt, no make up kind of girl so I'm hardly bimbo material.
I just feel really sucky now. And also pathetic because it made me cry. I wish Jai was at home, but now I'm getting all paranoid and wondering if he just thinks I'm an object too. What a horrible day.
Anyone want to make me feel better?
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Herr Geist
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Don't let these guys make you feel bad because THEY have issues. It's not your job to carry their emotional baggage for them.
Obviously, they've got something going on in their head that isn't allowing them to see reality. If these fellas know you, they KNOW you're in a relationship and anyone with the ability to think logically would understand that flirting outrageously with you is inappropriate no matter how you slice it.
Odds are, they've got some sort of insecurity that doesn't allow them to feel comfortable around girls in general which makes it easy for them to target a girl they've known for a while and who has always been pleasant with them. I'm not saying that they can't get girls or don't know how to talk to them, but sometimes the masks people wear can really fool you. I know guys who look very confident with women and then have to battle it out inside just to keep what they catch.
It's too complex and there are too many things that could be wrong with these guys for me to really get into it. But... it's THEIR issue and you shouldn't feel bad because they're projecting it onto you. Just ignore them and / or tell them very curtly when they're invading the comfort zone. Tell 'em to f**k off if need be.
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Acacia Sweet
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Thanks, HG. It's nice to know it's their issue and I'm not little mis lame-brain dumb-blonde barbie doll. They just made me feel totally trashy and I'm so angry that I've lost out on three friendships i valued because of a couple of guys being dumb. It also annoys me that i valued friendships with those guys when they obviously didn't value me as a friend.
I am soooooo going out this weekend, with friends that I can trust (because they're either A. Female or B. Gay hehe) and I'm going to get trashed, have a rant, mope a bit, then dance til I drop. I think I probably have issues though. I mean, in my teens I was a total ugly duckling and now guys who called me names at school message me on facebook and seem to be queueing three deep to try get into my pants. I've gone from loser/nonentity to some sort of fantasy blow up doll type individual. Will I ever actually be able to be friends with a guy and it not get screwed up?
Sorry, still moaning, I know. I just feel really disappointed today 
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Herr Geist
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Well, you should feel disappointed. But their behavior toward you shouldn't make you feel bad. Losing out on friendships and being let down by people you trusted is definitely an issue, though.
It's really too bad you can't tell the girls what's going on without them getting angry at you.
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Acacia Sweet
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Yeah, well, I only actually know one of the girls and I feel really crap about it, but I'm just going to disconnect and not be involved anymore. It might sound cowardly, but there's no way I'm going to have everything blow up in my face because they can't think with their brains instead of, well, you know.
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Herr Geist
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That's probably the best. It'll all blow over eventually. Just shut the guys out and let this drama play itself through.
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Miss Candy
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Im so sorry to hear this!!!
Its so anal and i totaly know what you mean , i completely lost hope a while ago and felt that i just overated all of my friendships!
Pah , hope it gets better xx
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Cecilia Rouge
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Hun its not you that should be feeling like trash! It does sound like they have serious issues though, not like true friends at all. You are a wonderful wonderful lovely person and you did the right thing. Anyone would be honored to have someone so lovely in their lives, their loss. xxx
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Acacia Sweet
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Have I mentioned recently that I love you guys? *big squishy hugs*
I have exacted vengeance on the individual the prompted this post. It was GOOD. It was also a topic of much hilarity on a recent girls night out. Sometimes it's good to release your inner bitch 
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