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CrimbleFairy · Joined: 30 Nov 2007 Posts: 1175 Location: Leeds

Dear Auntie Bettie

Recently things have not been going very well for me. My Aunt had been very ill and died just a few weeks ago and since then I have fallen into some kind of horrid, destructive cycle. I've been so down and resorted to getting disgracefully drunk and upsetting everyone around me.

I just feel terrible, I've upset so many people with my behaviour but I can't seem to shake this depression Sad

lots of my friends and family are currently not talking to me and I've recently split up with my boyfriend. I'm so unhappy and I know I need to sort myself out but I just don't know where to start or what to do.

I feel very lost and alone. Any advice or help would be much appreciated! xxx

Acacia Sweet · Joined: 11 Apr 2008 Posts: 400 Location: Leeds

Firstly *hugs* I know it's not the same as a real hug, but it's the best I can do from at my desk.

Secondly, I'm really really sorry to hear about your aunt, honey. Loss and grief are horrible.

All you can really do, I think, is take a deep breath, apologise to the people you've upset. Explain how you're feeling, and then ask folks for their support and understanding.

I really hope you manage to keep your chin up, darling, and start finding ways to handle things.

Lots of love

xxx

Herr Geist · Joined: 10 May 2007 Posts: 4956 Location: Brighton, England

I really think Acacia has hit the nail on the head here. Depression due to loss isn't something that's easy to deal with because it's circumstantial and it isn't permanent. It's unexpected which makes it feel like a blow to the chest. Really, all you can do is just give yourself the time to come to terms with the issue and allow those around you to exercise some forgiveness and understanding. If they cannot, don't shut them out for not being there for you. Just stick with the ones who can handle you while you're going through this and come back to the others at a later time. Not everyone who gets upset with a person in times like these is an asshole. There are just some people out there who do not know how to handle a person who's grieving and, honestly, it's better they not try because they'd just make a big mess of it and probably do more damage than necessary.

As for curing the depression.... you're just going to have to ride it out. There is no cure. There's no healthy escape. Drinking doesn't do the trick. You're just postponing the grief, not erasing it. Face it head on. Deal with it now and deal with it until you just can't take it anymore.... and THEN go get drunk. But do it with good people in a fun place so you don't feel alone. Rinse and repeat.
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Diva Hollywood · Joined: 15 Jul 2007 Posts: 1927 Location: UK

Hi honey
I am really sorry to hear about your loss. I think its okay to be down and do crazy things when you are upset. As long as you are not hurting yourself. People should give you some space and let you be upset. When you are feeling better in yourself and have the energy to explain maybe you can meet up with your friends and chat. I am sure they will understand. Don't be alone over this if you need help there are many help lines you can call with very experienced people ready to help.
Really big
Hugs
Diva x
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Miss Baby Bones · Posted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 9:40 pm Post subject:

theres no magic handbook to dealing with loss, we just do the best we can.

hang in there

xxx

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