Burlesque Womens Institute

Poppy M. Cherry · Joined: 18 Aug 2008 Posts: 137 Location: Manchester

EDIT: Thank you to everyone who gave me support and advice. I am feeling much better now, and so feel it best if I remove my original post, as I was starting to feel a bit silly for having made more of an issue out of it than it needed to be. xx

Miss Baby Bones · Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 1:58 pm Post subject:

how old are you both?

maybe he just needs a while to think about it? if so, dont press him.

xxx
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Poppy M. Cherry · Joined: 18 Aug 2008 Posts: 137 Location: Manchester

That's part of why I am trying not to think about it too much - I'm only 26, he's 28 in a couple of months. So for us, it is definitely not something for the here and now anyway and like you said, he might just need some time. I'm definitely not pressing him about it - it's just hard not to think about it when it seems as though every other person I know is announcing their good news!!

I suspect that one of the things that bothers him is that he crossdresses, so it is tricky figuring out how to deal with that.

I really don't expect any sort of solution to this. I'd just like a month to go by without someone getting knocked up!!

EDIT: I just want to add that this doesn't make me any less pleased for anyone I know who is expecting, or has children!

CharlotteThomson · Joined: 29 Jul 2007 Posts: 380 Location: Nottingham

lots more people are having children in their 30s and 40s nowadays, i'd say dont worry about that biological clock ticking too much, make sure he knows that you would like to see your future with children and in a few years he might feel the time is right, you're still young enough to give it some time and if he knows its important to you he might give it more thought, if he thinks you're not bothered and he isn't bothered then he probably wont.

As for the cross dressing, i would have loved my Dad to play dressing up with me when i was a little girl! Wink

kids are understanding

x
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Miss Baby Bones · Posted: Tue Sep 02, 2008 4:28 pm Post subject:

thats just what i was going to say Wink

how long have you been together?

i was still adamant i didnt want my own kids, but now after 4 years together ive totally changed.

(still want to adopt and foster if future funds allow)

xxx
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DarklyDelicious Millicent · Joined: 03 Mar 2007 Posts: 528

Yes you are still young..lots of time to have kids...I have one.. Miss Candy.. Im not into kids at all, never intended to have any either..but the one i have is great...never had any problems with her..shes a great teenager!

I do feel guilty sometimes especially when there are people that really want kids and cant for one reason or another...my mother had me at 39 so plenty of time for you...xx

As for crossdressing..I too would have found having a dad like that sooo cool!!! its just everyone else that seems to get hung up on stuff like that...so dont worry too much xxx
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Herr Geist · Joined: 10 May 2007 Posts: 4956 Location: Brighton, England

I would crack a few jokes right now to lighten the mood, but let me just take it easy this time and explain to you how I've progressed as far as thoughts of children / marriage since I was 20.

When I was 16 years old, all I wanted to do was find that one special girl and marry her and have a son and a daughter. I busted my ass in high school so that I could go to college and get a business degree and make a good living to provide for that family. I graduated 2nd in my class from high school... but the story goes sour here at 20 years old.

The girl I'd been with all through high school cheated on me with the guitarist of the band I was in. I decided that college wasn't for me since I'd never be married and I ran off to join the United States Marine Corps. I spent the next 5 years running around in lots of different countries shooting at people and blowing things up. Basically, the exact opposite of a family life.

I've had one or two serious girlfriends since high school, but they've ended badly as well.

The point of everything I've said so far is this. When I was young, I got hurt and I never wanted to deal with it again. Then a girl would come into my life that I'd trust enough to give a shot and she'd mess it up, too. I've been single since the last one which was 7 years ago. I have no plans on changing this.... but.

As I get older, I realize that I'm coming to understand myself better and that my trust issues and fear of getting hurt have NOTHING to do with the girls in my life. It has to do with the fact that I've been denying myself because it was my original instinctual impulses that got me to a point where I was vulnerable. Getting hurt made me reluctant to have a girlfriend / wife / kids. Now I know I'm mature enough to handle getting hurt and I might not even BE hurt these days because I understand people better than I did back then.

Now, recently, I've met some really wonderful women... some only online because they live in the UK... and a very beautiful little angel of a 3 year old girl. She's the niece of my roommate. Hanging out with the little girl and playing with her made me realize that it wasn't kids or the commitment involved that I was afraid of. It was the choices I'd made in my life that have made my life inappropriate for children.

To sum it all up:

When I was 20, I let myself get really scared by something that I could handle with ease now that I'm turning 30. But when you're 20, it's easy to find fear in life and that fear can last a long, long time. It's also easy to keep on running once you've started. I never thought to look back. I never thought about changing what I was because I considered myself a happy person. I still do. But what I do realize now is that I could be happier with the right woman, a kid or two, and a career of my choosing. Granted, I'm not changing my path right now, but I have now accepted that a woman could enter my life suddenly and change it for me.

Even a year ago I would not have had these thoughts.

So, keep that chin up. If this guy is truly worth your time, eventually things will come to a compromise. You just have to decide now (and be flexible as things progress) what exactly you're prepared to tolerate out of your man and just move forward without over-thinking it all. But if someone like me can open my eyes and realize that I've been wrong for years.... so can this guy. And depending on what he's been through in life with parents, girls, etc, he might need a good bit of time to come around.
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Poppy M. Cherry · Joined: 18 Aug 2008 Posts: 137 Location: Manchester

Thanks everyone Smile

I think I just needed some kind words of reassurance. Much appreciated!